Ah, Microsoft Windows. You, paragon of maturity. You have evolved well over the past 45 years. You run on a vast variety of hardware. You can run software from the 1980s alongside Cyberpunk. You can run on tablets and mainframes and weapons of national defense. You have the bones of an incredible operating system with unmatched versatility.
But – please don’t take this the wrong way, Windows – you suck to use. Your parent company has decided that you are a bunch of things which you are not good at being: an ad delivery platform, an avenue for pushing new products, an ever-changing user experience. Windows, you have been around for 45 years! You suck at being an ever-changing experience. You just don’t have it in you! You are mature, and you do many things very well already. When stripped down to your essence, you are elegant, performant, – and yes, even beautiful.
I know that you are those good things because over the past few months, I have seen a different side of you; a side without ads or bugs or Copilot. Fortunately, Microsoft publishes a version of you as Windows 11 IoT Enterprise LTSC. It’s not meant for home users, but it should be. The idea is that it’s a version of Windows that only gets feature updates every three years. And because it’s billed as the most stable version of Windows, for Enterprise devices that need to go up to ten years between feature updates, it is immune to short-sighted product decisions by growth-hacking PMs, CEOs, and techbros.
I not only have to thank Microsoft for publishing this version of Windows, but also for neglecting to patch bugs in Windows activation that have existed for over a decade. Microsoft only officially licenses IoT Enterprise LTSC for large corporations, but fortunately anyone can activate it with the same unofficial methods as consumer Windows. Furthermore, the community has written scripts and guides that be used to download, install, and activate LTSC in less time than it takes to install and license Windows 11 by official means.
This is the version of Windows that I wish Microsoft was selling to home users. It’s lean and reliable. And it’s fast. It makes ultralight portables grow wings and fly. I was about ready to toss my laptop – a Dell 5290 2-in-1 from 2018 with a genuine Wacom pen display in a detachable tablet form factor. LTSC makes it run like new again. I’m typing this on it right now.
LTSC is a joy to use on my desktop as well. I haven’t found a single Windows app that doesn’t run. Just earlier today, I was editing the upcoming pitch video for Mile 15 in DaVinci Resolve and found myself appreciating having a computer that doesn’t treat me like the growth generator.
It feels incredible that something like this can even exist. There are countless third-party utilities and sketchy PowerShell scripts out there that tap into your consumer registry and claim to enable an oasis of computing without irritating grafts of Rot Economy bullshit attached. Those aren’t perfect, but they are popular. Meanwhile, LTSC doesn’t reduce the amount of telemetry that Windows produces, but it does do away with most of the other stuff that those tools require hacky workarounds to clear out.
I absolutely love the essay by Edward Zitron that I linked above. To quote: “I do not believe the majority of people hate technology, but what the technology industry has become in search of growth. In fact, I’d argue that deep down, many people love technology — we love that we can instantly connect to friends using little computers in our pockets, or that we can share photos or videos with effectively anyone with an internet connection.” According to Zitron, it is worth negotiating for yourself against the tech industry’s pursuit of growth, in all of the small ways that you can, and he has some good suggestions! I am suggesting another one in the form of Windows LTSC, for as long as Microsoft will let regular people use it. It’s refreshing to use in a way that feels almost radical. Imagine it: a software product made by one of tech’s biggest companies that just does what it says. It exists! I’m reporting to you with it right now!
So, Windows: I’m glad there’s a version of you that doesn’t suck. It gives me the power to refuse Microsoft’s attempts to extract more value from me through my interaction with you. And now, using the computer is just a bit more fun again.